One thing that bothers me in life is how autism has defined even though people say don’t let it define you it’s a downpour of no success for me sometimes I get sick of just entertain myself. I bet not many realize except the ones that hate me might think I’m a loser I kinda am!
It’s odd experience 30 years old still not much greatness to be proud of I even slept well I just get annoyed with how my life is destroyed because of autism. I barely am good at socializing, barely able to work and barely good most essential things like cooking.
Whatever though at least I slept great I just want more out of life I don’t know what to do to improve a lot of aspects. I’m mostly healthy that’s one of best things I have going for me.
There really needs to be more options of success for quirky folks it would make a vast difference. For now I’ll keep trying to accept my life with ridiculous amount of entertainment; hope anyone that sees my posts is doing well!
Writers block is a fucker! Anyway though it’s crazy to me how I’ll care more for most animals and bugs then lots of humans maybe I lack empathy for so many people even though I crave attention most shut me out.
Human connection is the most difficult thing on earth for autistic folks that could be a chapter in a book if I ever had one so much could be delved into the subject and if I could have one thing is to be understood more often.
It’s weird that I don’t consider blogging more I absolutely love WordPress’s layout my huge problem of lack of great sleep and out poor of thoughts to put out.
One of my important points is how there was a unsettling bug brought in the house by my cat Wiley, it struck me in the last few hours how I cared about it not dying in the house so I begged mom to help cause it freaked me out it surprised us both when the thing flew off when it was near the door. Peace and love is key that is all folks!
Seems to be loads of spirals that life tends throw a lot of curve balls at least for me and maybe it’s like that for a lot of people too. I’ve had a paranormal amount of off days that need to be cured asap!
Within these peculiar mashed up days I have a portion of peace and more elevated stress scattered through my cerebellum. I realize there’s a brilliance to some of my life despite unsettling vibes.
As one of my favorite metaphors is portaling through life which probably isn’t a word but I have fun. In my own introverted bizarre trapped life it’s mostly a great life, I just need more out of it.
I feel more nourishment though from a glamorous amount of sleep maybe that can happen soon and maybe I don’t make sense I just felt like down pouring some flow of vocabulary to the world. Sometimes there’s a spark of genius from me that I wish could be a famous known thing for now it’s like this and I love any of my supporters!
I so wish I could have more social fun like I did yesterday where I got a golden milk, golden, had a blast at a concert of Khurangbin a psychedelic wonderful upcoming artist and bond with some friends I’ve known on and off for years.
Autism is the killing drive lack of these events mostly and it took a death of a wonderful friend I’ve known half my life to bring out some social extravaganza which it shouldn’t take that but what can you do.
I absolutely loved the fun I got to have with a friend named Rio, Christie, Jason, Ashleigh and my mom got involved; they are all great goofballs with legendary stories!
The concert was wild too I smelled weed strongly the whole time I so wish I could have some it helps me, damn illegal for some reason. I love the vibe around such an event I wouldn’t want a more intense artist other the brilliance of Khurangbin; seemed like a version of Woodstock even though I didn’t exist then.
Maybe in due time more wild enlightenment can gravitate towards me overtime especially after reconnecting some kind souls! A lot of the time I don’t have much going on it’s kinda nice yet life changing to socialize when the opportunity arises.
Sometimes I miss blogging so here I am. I wish there was more to my life but I mostly play video games although 2 PlayStation friends I’ve known passed away in the last 6 months that really effected me a fair amount.
I have been lucky enough to go to the movies that has been a peaceful exclusion from my abyss of home I bury myself 80% of the time!For an aspie life is pretty solid at least better than it was a few years ago or even better than some days I’ve had on social media luckily I don’t really get involved anymore in that bullshit really cut back my hours on them over the months pretty wholesome; digital friends don’t need to be so important I just have to remember this!
A subject that is infuriating entirely is when will say you’re wrong about anything but especially when I try to voice my views on how against vaccines/boosters. I try to mention in a group chat about heart problems someone says they’ve read they’re literature and I’m wrong; I consider this extremely effed up!
I’m sure a lot of people praise getting a shot but from what I know about it’s caused unhealthy symptoms maybe death there’s even research available for this I guess you can’t say anything to others they just write a paragraph to me without even considering it. Not only this stuff but the same person that upset me is married to a guy yet they say it’s a wife even though the person very much looks like a guy that’s just weird don’t call them a wife then they aren’t transgender just the gender fluid stuff.
Sorry I don’t blog more when I do I tend to vent maybe some stuff will be different regardless this is perpetually comforting when I’m in the mood for it.
Maybe I deserve to have toxic occurrences happen cause I didn’t sleep well and I’m in pain. I’ll try to not be stumped with my writing although I do a lot of gaming in general.
I don’t know why I lack wanting to blog as much as I used to although I still write reviews on IMDb. Anyway not much new except I got a kitten recently that is wonderful to experience!
Something important I’d like to make known is most aspie events I go to see hectic and sensory overload I wish they’re could be more chill coordinated meet ups for #autistic folks. I recently went to a pajama walk which was lovely but overly load with a generator that’s dumb for people involved in the event and some of the worst pop music ever!
It might not happen in my life time or at least for a long time but I recommend Beethoven or liquid mind music even 90’s music wasn’t trashy like it is these days.
How bout a piano event or something zen I wish I could tell event planners they are bad at they’re job and should study autism more; every event I’ve gone to even before Covid was overstimulated. I doubt it’ll happen but I’d love to make an impact even if I’m old when it happens nowadays I’m a bum that enjoys gaming, film and writing with some of my craft.
I really miss having amazing friends on PlayStation or at least people I barely had issues like Shawn to bad that isn’t much an option anymore. It crushes my soul that I have such a hard time staying friends with someone I chat with often!
I’ve had so much going on outside of PlayStation that it’s poison to my soul that I barely can enjoy my gaming as much as I should mainly because of someone named Kevin and John. Not sure why I don’t blog more I’ve had other racing thoughts/theories about society but that has dwindled less because of my entertainment being ruined!
When is it gonna be that autistic people get more opportunities just for being different and given more chances maybe sympathetic reasons? Maybe it’s lazy but I do believe more people in America have money and rich folks let the medium suffer!
Part of why I love horror so much is cause I feel trapped so much in life and that is uncertain if it’ll ever change. I don’t know who ever is interested in my occasional blogs but I’m glad I have it as an option despite the energy flow of it.
My scattered emotions have off the walls between loneliness and lack of activity in my life it’s weird when I sleep phenomenally but my day still spirals! What’s an aspie gotta do to get more help in life that’s been conflicted awhile.
If this was a chapter in a book it’d be called Floating asteroid because in outer space loneliness is the the most extreme it could be. I wouldn’t mind not much going on if my PlayStation friends were slightly better although that’s separate stuff it would help tremendously!
Life would be exceedingly better if it wasn’t for Covid ruin my chances of furthering life I have so many disturbing thoughts about it that I won’t get into to for legal reasons in short I’ll say luckily it’s not worse I guess.
All the stories and wisdom packed in really would could mean a lot one day in the future I probably just need to consider the grass is greener on the other side.
Sometimes I’m quite sure I’m cursed cause more bad happens to me than good. Maybe I’ve done several things that cause bad luck when I was younger or maybe it’s an autism thing to just screw up!
I don’t have enough humble people that help me and my family especially when we desperately need it which reminds me of the most complex puzzles/quantum physics that kinda helps me cope when I think about it. My writing is comforting as well even if it’s peculiar I love the way it is!
Another note is I used to blog more I absolutely hate the word excuse but I’m sure any reason I come up with is one although maybe I shouldn’t say that cause I get really into other stuff I enjoy too. Regardless I love anyone that supports me especially since I’m difficult more so than most people on earth.
Hmm what else can flow out of my stem cells? I can try a little bit more to be more positive even if it’s brutally hard. Some aspies tend to overthink I’m an expert at that one that’s about all I got for now.