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Such an unsettling feeling messing up with a girl

I feel so much stress, uncertainty, and regret! Crazy how being an aspie I ruin my chances with a girl that I have a huge crush so fast if I’m overly honest like I’m comfortable with and I tend to say things almost no one is ok with.

The anguish of pain for me with the amount of loneliness I deal with is unbearable. My experience getting excited in conversations leads to my hugest mistake of my entire life!

With my luck I guess I’ll be alone forever. This disturbs me so much like recently I thought I connected with the love of my life until I mention a couple overly inappropriate things.

At least I have a reason to blog even though I feel like absolute shit! I my as well have been stabbed in the stomach!

Featured

If I had a way & others were interested

I’d love to talk to people about how I tend to enjoy movies most don’t some even get a lot of hate, I appreciate more things that the crew worked so hard on among other things. Movies like 31, Green Inferno, Beach Bum, Hellboy remake, Slender Man, Big Bully, The Wicker Man, Captain Marvel, US, Emoji Movie, Carpool, so many others even many TV shows I quite enjoy that many people disgusted by or aren’t interested; I have bizarre taste.

Another subject I’d love to talk to people about is how certain people I’ve interacted with are very rude about advice I give like if people have chronic illnesses or otherwise I just wanna help decrease they’re symptoms in most cases things blow out of proportion I’ll never understand it.

Joshua project vibes

One of the best experiences I had while having a blog! While I’m meant to keep a portion of it secretive I will say other things. It’s truly remarkable to be welcomed by a bunch of guys for a couple days.

For someone like me that’s barely active it’s a blessing and enriching to have an ignited flame literal and metaphorical to get me going. I experienced great food, a couple fires, drumming, wise stories, grunt work, and unexpected one for me no electricity/phones for a couple days is truly profound!

I’ve had numerous negative blogs where I down-poured frustrated vibes a rare feat lately is I’m phenomenal hopefully I can keep that magic going. I’m lucky when I’m accepted by genuine folks of any kind there’s not enough in my life.

Transformation is another way to look at it or as my deep young self would say if you want to look at the trees then look at them. Take in life sometimes it’s a powerful force.

Disappointed in the way people treat me!

I’m blown away the amount of strangers that expect me to help them barely anyone helps me besides a few people. Not only am I nagged a lot but my stomach hurts and I only got 3 hours sleep.

Really frustrating the amount of selfish people I experience it gets me in full blown rage! I need more ambience and peace enriching me. I don’t know how to fix a lot of things being autistic wish I could do more especially be around genuine people. I’m a loss with the pace of my life I just try to entertain myself the bulk of the time.

Part of me misses blogging but I barely have much to write about maybe writers block

One thing that bothers me in life is how autism has defined even though people say don’t let it define you it’s a downpour of no success for me sometimes I get sick of just entertain myself. I bet not many realize except the ones that hate me might think I’m a loser I kinda am!

It’s odd experience 30 years old still not much greatness to be proud of I even slept well I just get annoyed with how my life is destroyed because of autism. I barely am good at socializing, barely able to work and barely good most essential things like cooking.

Whatever though at least I slept great I just want more out of life I don’t know what to do to improve a lot of aspects. I’m mostly healthy that’s one of best things I have going for me.

There really needs to be more options of success for quirky folks it would make a vast difference. For now I’ll keep trying to accept my life with ridiculous amount of entertainment; hope anyone that sees my posts is doing well!

Been a couple months since I’ve opened up this sunken place – From Get Out.

Writers block is a fucker! Anyway though it’s crazy to me how I’ll care more for most animals and bugs then lots of humans maybe I lack empathy for so many people even though I crave attention most shut me out.

Human connection is the most difficult thing on earth for autistic folks that could be a chapter in a book if I ever had one so much could be delved into the subject and if I could have one thing is to be understood more often.

It’s weird that I don’t consider blogging more I absolutely love WordPress’s layout my huge problem of lack of great sleep and out poor of thoughts to put out.

One of my important points is how there was a unsettling bug brought in the house by my cat Wiley, it struck me in the last few hours how I cared about it not dying in the house so I begged mom to help cause it freaked me out it surprised us both when the thing flew off when it was near the door. Peace and love is key that is all folks!

Crazy how much madness has been happening!

I’ve had numerous sleep struggles on and off lately for weeks, lots happening with my mom including taxes, bullied on Snapchat recently, I’ve had several people nag me for money that I don’t have and I was yelled at which is one of the worst triggers for an aspie at least for me!

Badly in need of a miracle or several, I’m so ready for some blessings. I haven’t felt so cursed in years even my mom had nearly everything go wrong for at least 5 hours.

On positive notes at least my gaming has gone well and I have a very happy cat. I’m mostly healthy I’ve improved my stomach aches that were common just not much else.

Maybe I can hope for some exceptional peace from now on, tremendously uncertain with 3 hours sleep though. Hope anyone that sees this is doing solid enough lately.

I should blog more but I get massive writers block and various health nonsense

Seems to be loads of spirals that life tends throw a lot of curve balls at least for me and maybe it’s like that for a lot of people too. I’ve had a paranormal amount of off days that need to be cured asap!

Within these peculiar mashed up days I have a portion of peace and more elevated stress scattered through my cerebellum. I realize there’s a brilliance to some of my life despite unsettling vibes.

As one of my favorite metaphors is portaling through life which probably isn’t a word but I have fun. In my own introverted bizarre trapped life it’s mostly a great life, I just need more out of it.

I feel more nourishment though from a glamorous amount of sleep maybe that can happen soon and maybe I don’t make sense I just felt like down pouring some flow of vocabulary to the world. Sometimes there’s a spark of genius from me that I wish could be a famous known thing for now it’s like this and I love any of my supporters!

Feeling an overload of loneliness and lack of opportunities for aspies!

Maybe it’s me and a few other autistic folks but I’ve had a tremendous lack of social experiences in the last 5 years ish or so. Could be a North Carolina thing I’d like think it seems other states are better with progressing chances for my type and it should be the opposite!

I’ve been on housing lists for probably 8 years and even was accepted for one yet their production is dreadful almost as if they just don’t care about my kind that need it badly. Not sure what it is I just know am feeling off about my lack of greatness/joy in life; I’d sell my soul for miracles.

Could potentially be the time of season as well nearly summer and I’m metaphorically in a long term floating portal that doesn’t end for years whist time on earth moves on I think that’s a brilliant possibility.

People like me badly need more understanding in life I’ve had some that don’t understand my diet and mentality that’s hurts thinking about it. Some need to be more informed on health and quirky folks life would be smoother then so yeah an odd overlook on unsettling feelings I have.

What a wild day!

I got to experience a memorial service for someone I loved and known for around 15 years which was heartbreaking and a wildly fun event!

My soul feels different truly realizing the loss of a dear friend named Danny Furry, I didn’t know how much it’d effect me till I got to the memorial seeing photos and hearing the stories while others cried I did a little bit.

Crazy seeing people I haven’t seen in many years some of which I barely remembered and new ones that were great to be around. I got to even have a little bit of tequila that was chill I barely drink alcohol kinda helps take the edge off.

Really hope I can see more wonderful people somehow I need it! Life is essential for these precious times especially of loving ones.

Enlightening phenomena

I so wish I could have more social fun like I did yesterday where I got a golden milk, golden, had a blast at a concert of Khurangbin a psychedelic wonderful upcoming artist and bond with some friends I’ve known on and off for years.

Autism is the killing drive lack of these events mostly and it took a death of a wonderful friend I’ve known half my life to bring out some social extravaganza which it shouldn’t take that but what can you do.

I absolutely loved the fun I got to have with a friend named Rio, Christie, Jason, Ashleigh and my mom got involved; they are all great goofballs with legendary stories!

The concert was wild too I smelled weed strongly the whole time I so wish I could have some it helps me, damn illegal for some reason. I love the vibe around such an event I wouldn’t want a more intense artist other the brilliance of Khurangbin; seemed like a version of Woodstock even though I didn’t exist then.

Maybe in due time more wild enlightenment can gravitate towards me overtime especially after reconnecting some kind souls! A lot of the time I don’t have much going on it’s kinda nice yet life changing to socialize when the opportunity arises.

Boogie Nights extended review

There’s something truly special about the provocative drama Boogie Nights (1997) starring brilliant Mark Walberg aka Markie Mark of the funky bunch he’s known as in some cases.

Dirk Digglier really wants to become a star which is fine a portion of the time until he starts having cocaine and gets involved in some of the wrong friends; that in which is some of the best filmmaking ever by Paul Thomas Anderson! I love how people compare his style to Quentin Tarantino interestingly enough Quentin says PTA is one of his favorite directors which is worthy by a long shot.

The entire soundtrack based in the 70’s is glorious really hits the spot throughout even the sounds created for scenes were perfect/tense! Perfectly R-Rated without having to be NC~17 would’ve been because of sexuality, massive amount of profanity a lot of which were perfectly written, drug content and unexpected violence that spooks up on viewer.

I could watch the scene Alfred Molina infinitely it’s perfectly tense you get a sense the spiral Dirk has gone at that point in the story and how deep he’s gone in the rabbit hole. Could be meme worthy with the quote at this point he effed up lol. The scene is pivotal for the story I’d like to think you understand too cause of the things the characters leading up to this tried to get money other ways not much worked so they go the guy “He’s richer than god” that’s a great quote. Boogie Nights is a masterpiece of it’s time despite provocative scenes.