I feel so much stress, uncertainty, and regret! Crazy how being an aspie I ruin my chances with a girl that I have a huge crush so fast if I’m overly honest like I’m comfortable with and I tend to say things almost no one is ok with.
The anguish of pain for me with the amount of loneliness I deal with is unbearable. My experience getting excited in conversations leads to my hugest mistake of my entire life!
With my luck I guess I’ll be alone forever. This disturbs me so much like recently I thought I connected with the love of my life until I mention a couple overly inappropriate things.
At least I have a reason to blog even though I feel like absolute shit! I my as well have been stabbed in the stomach!
I’d love to talk to people about how I tend to enjoy movies most don’t some even get a lot of hate, I appreciate more things that the crew worked so hard on among other things. Movies like 31, Green Inferno, Beach Bum, Hellboy remake, Slender Man, Big Bully, The Wicker Man, Captain Marvel, US, Emoji Movie, Carpool, so many others even many TV shows I quite enjoy that many people disgusted by or aren’t interested; I have bizarre taste.
Another subject I’d love to talk to people about is how certain people I’ve interacted with are very rude about advice I give like if people have chronic illnesses or otherwise I just wanna help decrease they’re symptoms in most cases things blow out of proportion I’ll never understand it.
Writers block is a fucker! Anyway though it’s crazy to me how I’ll care more for most animals and bugs then lots of humans maybe I lack empathy for so many people even though I crave attention most shut me out.
Human connection is the most difficult thing on earth for autistic folks that could be a chapter in a book if I ever had one so much could be delved into the subject and if I could have one thing is to be understood more often.
It’s weird that I don’t consider blogging more I absolutely love WordPress’s layout my huge problem of lack of great sleep and out poor of thoughts to put out.
One of my important points is how there was a unsettling bug brought in the house by my cat Wiley, it struck me in the last few hours how I cared about it not dying in the house so I begged mom to help cause it freaked me out it surprised us both when the thing flew off when it was near the door. Peace and love is key that is all folks!
I’ve had numerous sleep struggles on and off lately for weeks, lots happening with my mom including taxes, bullied on Snapchat recently, I’ve had several people nag me for money that I don’t have and I was yelled at which is one of the worst triggers for an aspie at least for me!
Badly in need of a miracle or several, I’m so ready for some blessings. I haven’t felt so cursed in years even my mom had nearly everything go wrong for at least 5 hours.
On positive notes at least my gaming has gone well and I have a very happy cat. I’m mostly healthy I’ve improved my stomach aches that were common just not much else.
Maybe I can hope for some exceptional peace from now on, tremendously uncertain with 3 hours sleep though. Hope anyone that sees this is doing solid enough lately.
Seems to be loads of spirals that life tends throw a lot of curve balls at least for me and maybe it’s like that for a lot of people too. I’ve had a paranormal amount of off days that need to be cured asap!
Within these peculiar mashed up days I have a portion of peace and more elevated stress scattered through my cerebellum. I realize there’s a brilliance to some of my life despite unsettling vibes.
As one of my favorite metaphors is portaling through life which probably isn’t a word but I have fun. In my own introverted bizarre trapped life it’s mostly a great life, I just need more out of it.
I feel more nourishment though from a glamorous amount of sleep maybe that can happen soon and maybe I don’t make sense I just felt like down pouring some flow of vocabulary to the world. Sometimes there’s a spark of genius from me that I wish could be a famous known thing for now it’s like this and I love any of my supporters!
Maybe it’s me and a few other autistic folks but I’ve had a tremendous lack of social experiences in the last 5 years ish or so. Could be a North Carolina thing I’d like think it seems other states are better with progressing chances for my type and it should be the opposite!
I’ve been on housing lists for probably 8 years and even was accepted for one yet their production is dreadful almost as if they just don’t care about my kind that need it badly. Not sure what it is I just know am feeling off about my lack of greatness/joy in life; I’d sell my soul for miracles.
Could potentially be the time of season as well nearly summer and I’m metaphorically in a long term floating portal that doesn’t end for years whist time on earth moves on I think that’s a brilliant possibility.
People like me badly need more understanding in life I’ve had some that don’t understand my diet and mentality that’s hurts thinking about it. Some need to be more informed on health and quirky folks life would be smoother then so yeah an odd overlook on unsettling feelings I have.
I got to experience a memorial service for someone I loved and known for around 15 years which was heartbreaking and a wildly fun event!
My soul feels different truly realizing the loss of a dear friend named Danny Furry, I didn’t know how much it’d effect me till I got to the memorial seeing photos and hearing the stories while others cried I did a little bit.
Crazy seeing people I haven’t seen in many years some of which I barely remembered and new ones that were great to be around. I got to even have a little bit of tequila that was chill I barely drink alcohol kinda helps take the edge off.
Really hope I can see more wonderful people somehow I need it! Life is essential for these precious times especially of loving ones.
I so wish I could have more social fun like I did yesterday where I got a golden milk, golden, had a blast at a concert of Khurangbin a psychedelic wonderful upcoming artist and bond with some friends I’ve known on and off for years.
Autism is the killing drive lack of these events mostly and it took a death of a wonderful friend I’ve known half my life to bring out some social extravaganza which it shouldn’t take that but what can you do.
I absolutely loved the fun I got to have with a friend named Rio, Christie, Jason, Ashleigh and my mom got involved; they are all great goofballs with legendary stories!
The concert was wild too I smelled weed strongly the whole time I so wish I could have some it helps me, damn illegal for some reason. I love the vibe around such an event I wouldn’t want a more intense artist other the brilliance of Khurangbin; seemed like a version of Woodstock even though I didn’t exist then.
Maybe in due time more wild enlightenment can gravitate towards me overtime especially after reconnecting some kind souls! A lot of the time I don’t have much going on it’s kinda nice yet life changing to socialize when the opportunity arises.
There’s something truly special about the provocative drama Boogie Nights (1997) starring brilliant Mark Walberg aka Markie Mark of the funky bunch he’s known as in some cases.
Dirk Digglier really wants to become a star which is fine a portion of the time until he starts having cocaine and gets involved in some of the wrong friends; that in which is some of the best filmmaking ever by Paul Thomas Anderson! I love how people compare his style to Quentin Tarantino interestingly enough Quentin says PTA is one of his favorite directors which is worthy by a long shot.
The entire soundtrack based in the 70’s is glorious really hits the spot throughout even the sounds created for scenes were perfect/tense! Perfectly R-Rated without having to be NC~17 would’ve been because of sexuality, massive amount of profanity a lot of which were perfectly written, drug content and unexpected violence that spooks up on viewer.
I could watch the scene Alfred Molina infinitely it’s perfectly tense you get a sense the spiral Dirk has gone at that point in the story and how deep he’s gone in the rabbit hole. Could be meme worthy with the quote at this point he effed up lol. The scene is pivotal for the story I’d like to think you understand too cause of the things the characters leading up to this tried to get money other ways not much worked so they go the guy “He’s richer than god” that’s a great quote. Boogie Nights is a masterpiece of it’s time despite provocative scenes.
Sometimes I miss blogging so here I am. I wish there was more to my life but I mostly play video games although 2 PlayStation friends I’ve known passed away in the last 6 months that really effected me a fair amount.
I have been lucky enough to go to the movies that has been a peaceful exclusion from my abyss of home I bury myself 80% of the time!For an aspie life is pretty solid at least better than it was a few years ago or even better than some days I’ve had on social media luckily I don’t really get involved anymore in that bullshit really cut back my hours on them over the months pretty wholesome; digital friends don’t need to be so important I just have to remember this!
A subject that is infuriating entirely is when will say you’re wrong about anything but especially when I try to voice my views on how against vaccines/boosters. I try to mention in a group chat about heart problems someone says they’ve read they’re literature and I’m wrong; I consider this extremely effed up!
I’m sure a lot of people praise getting a shot but from what I know about it’s caused unhealthy symptoms maybe death there’s even research available for this I guess you can’t say anything to others they just write a paragraph to me without even considering it. Not only this stuff but the same person that upset me is married to a guy yet they say it’s a wife even though the person very much looks like a guy that’s just weird don’t call them a wife then they aren’t transgender just the gender fluid stuff.
Sorry I don’t blog more when I do I tend to vent maybe some stuff will be different regardless this is perpetually comforting when I’m in the mood for it.
Maybe I deserve to have toxic occurrences happen cause I didn’t sleep well and I’m in pain. I’ll try to not be stumped with my writing although I do a lot of gaming in general.
I don’t know why I lack wanting to blog as much as I used to although I still write reviews on IMDb. Anyway not much new except I got a kitten recently that is wonderful to experience!
Something important I’d like to make known is most aspie events I go to see hectic and sensory overload I wish they’re could be more chill coordinated meet ups for #autistic folks. I recently went to a pajama walk which was lovely but overly load with a generator that’s dumb for people involved in the event and some of the worst pop music ever!
It might not happen in my life time or at least for a long time but I recommend Beethoven or liquid mind music even 90’s music wasn’t trashy like it is these days.
How bout a piano event or something zen I wish I could tell event planners they are bad at they’re job and should study autism more; every event I’ve gone to even before Covid was overstimulated. I doubt it’ll happen but I’d love to make an impact even if I’m old when it happens nowadays I’m a bum that enjoys gaming, film and writing with some of my craft.